Tell Me a Story

The Wager

The Wager - Rachel Van Dyken A more wretched hive of sophomoric "humor" and outright idiocy will be hard to find.

No, seriously, this book actively kills brain cells and makes the reader stupid.

I want to know what happy drugs led to the five star reviews, because those drugs could cure depression. Maybe even end world hunger. They must be that strong, because there is no way any reader with an ounce of self-literacy respect can read this and not be appalled by the sheer inanity.

This is what supposedly passes for humor:

1) A man whore dumps his date for his brother's wedding - a date whose last name he can't remember - at the airport.
2) Even though said date was about to go away with him for weekend at a family wedding, the date believes that the man whore is into dating senior citizens and is disgusted (nothing like sexism AND ageism!)
3) Said senior citizen is actually the man whore's grandmother, who loves nothing more than humiliating said man whore grandson. Later, grandma is described - by the ostensible heroine - as having pert breasts.
4) Said heroine is supposedly a broadcast news personality of some renown, even though for all it adds to her character development, she might as well as be unemployed. Actually, that would be more believable.
5) The writer thinks that having the heroine dump a glass of water into the hero's lap and announce to a plane full of people that "Jake Tully has wet his pants" is a) funny, b) sympathetic, c) how mature, sophisticated adults act. She's wrong on all accounts.
6) The author would have us believe that a US Marshal would deal with a suspect on a plane by stuffing the suspect's mouth full of peanuts.
7) And it's "funny" when the hero doesn't realize that he is allergic to peanuts and goes into anaphylactic shock.
8) And that it is in any way believable and allows the reader to suspend disbelief when it turns out the grandmother just happens to carry an adrenaline shot because the hero was allergic as a small child. Like how would she suspect this would happen?!?!
9) Ditto on having the US Marshal start to CRY because he nearly killed a suspect by stuffing the suspect's mouth full of peanuts and so he lets the suspect go.
10) Oh, and the hero is a millionaire thanks to a trust but all of a sudden worried about his lifestyle when his grandmother, who runs the family business, abruptly fires him (without benefit of pesky real-life legal issues such as severance, notice, or cause for termination)
11) And that the bride apparently is letting her groom's grandmother take over the wedding just a few days before the ceremony
12) There are two main male characters pursuing the heroine and their names are JACE and JAKE. Because that's not confusing and outright annoying and irritating to the reader.

I could go on, but the more I think about this "story," the more exasperated I get.

The term "Festivals of Stupidity" was coined precisely for this book.

Cannot read further; I value my brain cells too much and my reading time is far too precious to waste on dreck on this. How the )#*$^*(^(&Q^($&@*($*_( could this have been published by a Big Five company?!?!??!